Dolty wasn't familiar with all these words, but they were talking about sports, clothes, food, people (a lot - most of this talk was not very nice), cats, dogs, jobs, money, movies, and a bunch of other stuff. What he thought was weird (but encouraging), was that nobody seemed to be talking abut theological issues at all - let alone salvation or Christ.
Dolty thought, "When would people discuss these things, if not in this environment?"
It was like he was hanging out at a mall food court. The perfect microcosm of the nation: you had covetousness, gluttony, blasphemy, lust, pride, and many other wonderful vices in a nice, little package. Oh, how Dolty loved hanging out there!
"But this might even be better!" he reasoned. You still had all the juicy sins, but they're given a cloak of respectability since they're "Christians" in a church setting.
"What wonderful deception," he admired, "wish I had thought of it. They're downright hypocrites! Hippos are awesome! They probably screw up as many potential true believers as I do," he giggled.
"And this was only one church! Multiply by the number of like-congregations and you come up with some fantastic numbers!"
Now he was really understanding why the boss had no concern over the polls indicating the large percentage of Christians in America. If this same size was representative (and it was), there was no way the numbers were even close to accurate.
Demons (especially dim-witted ones), were only vaguely familiar with the Bible. But they all know that the entirety of scripture is true, once again borne out by Dolty's discovery and Matthew 7:13-14, pointing out many humans may be fooling themselves regarding their salvation.
So, things were really looking up (or down, as Demons liked to say), for Dolty. He had job security and could thumb his nose at the polls.
He figured he pretty much knew everything he needed regarding the erroneous statistics and was looking forward to getting back to tormenting lost souls in Hell. Technically he was only a temporary tormentor, filling in for senior Demons from time to time, but he savored those moments.
However, Satan appeared and burst his bubble when he told him he wasn't quite finished.
"The real cherry on the sundae (pun intended), is observing them after they leave church to enjoy the rest of the Lord's Day," Satan explained.
"You mean it gets better?" asked Dolty.
"Oh, yeah," replied Satan.
With that, Dolty found himself watching people leaving church and getting into their cars. He found it interesting how many of these folks spent more on vehicles than much of the world's population made in a year. Thank goodness (er, badness), due to these people coveting new cars with all the "gizmos" (when an older, much less costly, but reliable, vehicle would suffice), a lot less money was going toward the advancement of God's Kingdom.
STAY TUNED FOR THE FINAL INSTALLMENT!
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Things Aren't Always As They Seem - Pt 2
"Where do I start?" Dolty asked.
"Well, I could send you to Joel Osteen's church, but that would be too easy. Driscoll and Warren are out too; even a moron could see these places are full of unsaved people. You need to go to a church that, at least, looks authentic."
Satan continued, "I've got the perfect place. It's like thousands across the United States. It looks like a church, they sing traditional stuff, people dress nice, well, better than a typical Walmart customer anyway. They hold pleasant conversations and generally agree that Osteen, Driscoll, and Warren are way off track. Most even suggest that there actually is some change of behavior that accompanies salvation. Fortunately for us, what behavior and to what degree is often a bone of contention. It's in a place like this where your confidence in the downward slide of society will be restored, and the silliness of these polls will be evident."
Dolty blinked, then blinked again. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and this was a lot to digest. Of course, he had heard those names before (Warren, Osteen, etc.), and realized that they sent them a lot of eternal guests. However, it was still a frightening prospect to be in their realm.
Then, before you could say "Bob's Your Uncle", Dolty found himself in the parking lot of a church. He had visited the "world" before, and learned how people behaved in many situations, but this was the first time he was allowed to be in a strictly "Christian" environment. None of the human senses could detect his presence (unless he allowed), so he moved about freely and undetected.
The first thing he noticed was how most dressed, specifically, not much different than the rest of the "world". You could go to any Walmart (he had spent a lot of time in various Walmarts; it was such a fertile ground for studying people), and find people similarly dressed. In studying the "enemy" (Christ), and his followers, he had seen photos where church-goers looked so different. Men and women wore what was described as, "Sunday clothes". What constituted these may vary somewhat depending on denomination, income, geography,and other factors, but they were definitely different from what he was witnessing (no pun intended).
Next, he observed how prevalent coffee was. He actually wondered if it was some sort of requirement for "membership" as there was hardly anyone over 20 that didn't have a cup (I have to admit to being a card-carrying member myself).
"Maybe that's why they wear Walmart clothes," Dolty reasoned. "So they don't spill that stuff they're always sloshing around on their nice clothes."
However, here was just another example of "Christians" being no different than others who are in bondage to worldly vices. And, as Dolty noted, "If nothing else, you'd think Christians would be more sympathetic towards others battling their own addictions, since they can't stop using a drug that stains their teeth, upsets their stomach, affects their sleep, and certainly isn't cheap."
As he moved through the congregation, maybe the most striking realization was the conversations that took place (or the ones that didn't).
Stay tuned for the next installment!
"Well, I could send you to Joel Osteen's church, but that would be too easy. Driscoll and Warren are out too; even a moron could see these places are full of unsaved people. You need to go to a church that, at least, looks authentic."
Satan continued, "I've got the perfect place. It's like thousands across the United States. It looks like a church, they sing traditional stuff, people dress nice, well, better than a typical Walmart customer anyway. They hold pleasant conversations and generally agree that Osteen, Driscoll, and Warren are way off track. Most even suggest that there actually is some change of behavior that accompanies salvation. Fortunately for us, what behavior and to what degree is often a bone of contention. It's in a place like this where your confidence in the downward slide of society will be restored, and the silliness of these polls will be evident."
Dolty blinked, then blinked again. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and this was a lot to digest. Of course, he had heard those names before (Warren, Osteen, etc.), and realized that they sent them a lot of eternal guests. However, it was still a frightening prospect to be in their realm.
Then, before you could say "Bob's Your Uncle", Dolty found himself in the parking lot of a church. He had visited the "world" before, and learned how people behaved in many situations, but this was the first time he was allowed to be in a strictly "Christian" environment. None of the human senses could detect his presence (unless he allowed), so he moved about freely and undetected.
The first thing he noticed was how most dressed, specifically, not much different than the rest of the "world". You could go to any Walmart (he had spent a lot of time in various Walmarts; it was such a fertile ground for studying people), and find people similarly dressed. In studying the "enemy" (Christ), and his followers, he had seen photos where church-goers looked so different. Men and women wore what was described as, "Sunday clothes". What constituted these may vary somewhat depending on denomination, income, geography,and other factors, but they were definitely different from what he was witnessing (no pun intended).
Next, he observed how prevalent coffee was. He actually wondered if it was some sort of requirement for "membership" as there was hardly anyone over 20 that didn't have a cup (I have to admit to being a card-carrying member myself).
"Maybe that's why they wear Walmart clothes," Dolty reasoned. "So they don't spill that stuff they're always sloshing around on their nice clothes."
However, here was just another example of "Christians" being no different than others who are in bondage to worldly vices. And, as Dolty noted, "If nothing else, you'd think Christians would be more sympathetic towards others battling their own addictions, since they can't stop using a drug that stains their teeth, upsets their stomach, affects their sleep, and certainly isn't cheap."
As he moved through the congregation, maybe the most striking realization was the conversations that took place (or the ones that didn't).
Stay tuned for the next installment!
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Things Aren't Always As They Seem - Part 1
Well, my daughter warned me that keeping up with a blog would not be easy. As if time doesn't fly by enough, it's amazing how tough it is to post something monthly.
Anyway, I'm trying something a little different this time. I'm going to post a short story in installments (even if I had the time, which at my typing speed is a lot), carpal tunnel would probably kill me before I finished.
With obvious influences (and thanks), to C.S. Lewis and Frank Capra; off we go.
It was another hot day in Hell (much worse than the 15 years we spent in Florida), as Satan was sipping his coffee (I knew the devil had to be behind caffeine!). As Satan employed an open door policy, his demons were often dropping in with questions or concerns. This day his first visitor was Dolty.
"Well sir, I guess you're a bit disappointed with how things are going in America these days."
Satan put down is Disneyworld coffee mug and inquired, "What are you babbling about?"
"Well, with such a large percentage of Christians up there, it's gotta be a bummer," Dolty explained. "You know, all that hard work gone to waste."
Depending on different factors, polls could indicate that as many as 80% of Americans identify themselves as Christian.
"Listen stupid," Satan began, "those polls don't mean squat. You have to consider the source. With that group you could probably produce a poll indicating most believe in unicorns."
In fact, there are most likely many "christians" who believe in unicorns, but I digress.
Dolty winced, it wasn't pleasant being rebuked by the Prince of Darkness.
Satan continued, "Most of these people don't know what a real Christian is - let alone are one."
"How do you know this stuff, sir?"
Satan rolled his eyes. "I have a little familiarity with the Bible," he emphasized.
Dolty hated it when Satan was sarcastic, but considering he was the Prince of Darkness, that was probably one of his most positive character traits.
"In fact," the Devil continued, "I was in the inner-circle up there and learned a lot about authentic Christianity before I go the boot."
"Can you tell the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian?," asked Dolty.
"Aha Dolty, just when I was beginning to think you were brain-dead. That's the $64,000 question."
Dolty actually smiled, which was frowned upon for obvious reasons, but Satan let it pass.
"You see I can tell the difference." (It was a pretty important job skill for someone in his position), "but let's find out if you can."
Dolty was pretty sure he didn't like where this was going.
"What I'm going to do is give you some Bible verses and send you up there to see if we need to "worry" about these polls."
Now the slow-witted demon knew he didn't like this. He never did like the humans he "met". They were such whiners (although, under the circumstances; who could blame them). Additionally, they had always "come to him" (in a manner of speaking). It was creepy to imagine going up there. He was downright terrified of the Bible. He knew it had "good" parts, full of murder, lying, adultery, and all kind of sin, but he heard it contained scary stories about the "end times".
Similar to the early Catholic Church, when only priests had access to the Bible; only Satan had access to the Bible in Hell and knew the Pit was the ultimate destination for him and his minions. So truly, for all the other demons; ignorance was bliss.
Satan took a carefully prepared biblical outline of salvation and handed it to Dolty. It highlighted such verses as: James 2:14-17, John 14:15, James 1:22, Matthew 7:16, and many others that emphasize a true believer's responsibility in bearing good fruit.
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT!
Anyway, I'm trying something a little different this time. I'm going to post a short story in installments (even if I had the time, which at my typing speed is a lot), carpal tunnel would probably kill me before I finished.
With obvious influences (and thanks), to C.S. Lewis and Frank Capra; off we go.
It was another hot day in Hell (much worse than the 15 years we spent in Florida), as Satan was sipping his coffee (I knew the devil had to be behind caffeine!). As Satan employed an open door policy, his demons were often dropping in with questions or concerns. This day his first visitor was Dolty.
"Well sir, I guess you're a bit disappointed with how things are going in America these days."
Satan put down is Disneyworld coffee mug and inquired, "What are you babbling about?"
"Well, with such a large percentage of Christians up there, it's gotta be a bummer," Dolty explained. "You know, all that hard work gone to waste."
Depending on different factors, polls could indicate that as many as 80% of Americans identify themselves as Christian.
"Listen stupid," Satan began, "those polls don't mean squat. You have to consider the source. With that group you could probably produce a poll indicating most believe in unicorns."
In fact, there are most likely many "christians" who believe in unicorns, but I digress.
Dolty winced, it wasn't pleasant being rebuked by the Prince of Darkness.
Satan continued, "Most of these people don't know what a real Christian is - let alone are one."
"How do you know this stuff, sir?"
Satan rolled his eyes. "I have a little familiarity with the Bible," he emphasized.
Dolty hated it when Satan was sarcastic, but considering he was the Prince of Darkness, that was probably one of his most positive character traits.
"In fact," the Devil continued, "I was in the inner-circle up there and learned a lot about authentic Christianity before I go the boot."
"Can you tell the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian?," asked Dolty.
"Aha Dolty, just when I was beginning to think you were brain-dead. That's the $64,000 question."
Dolty actually smiled, which was frowned upon for obvious reasons, but Satan let it pass.
"You see I can tell the difference." (It was a pretty important job skill for someone in his position), "but let's find out if you can."
Dolty was pretty sure he didn't like where this was going.
"What I'm going to do is give you some Bible verses and send you up there to see if we need to "worry" about these polls."
Now the slow-witted demon knew he didn't like this. He never did like the humans he "met". They were such whiners (although, under the circumstances; who could blame them). Additionally, they had always "come to him" (in a manner of speaking). It was creepy to imagine going up there. He was downright terrified of the Bible. He knew it had "good" parts, full of murder, lying, adultery, and all kind of sin, but he heard it contained scary stories about the "end times".
Similar to the early Catholic Church, when only priests had access to the Bible; only Satan had access to the Bible in Hell and knew the Pit was the ultimate destination for him and his minions. So truly, for all the other demons; ignorance was bliss.
Satan took a carefully prepared biblical outline of salvation and handed it to Dolty. It highlighted such verses as: James 2:14-17, John 14:15, James 1:22, Matthew 7:16, and many others that emphasize a true believer's responsibility in bearing good fruit.
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT!
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